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Paper: Houston Chronicle
Date: THU 09/25/03
Section: ThisWeek
Page: 12
Edition: 2 STAR

Area family group offers skills for mom, dad
By CAROL E. VAUGHN, Houston Chronicle correspondent

EVER so often, parent Vince O'Bar creeps into his little boys' room and imagines it is 12 years later, and they have left the nest.

The process imparts the stark realization of how quickly time flies as a parent. There's so little time to help shape a rounded individual.

"It's a huge mission we're on to raise good adults," said O'Bar, a resident of the Afton Oaks area.

He and his wife, Wendy, are part of a parenting network group called Houston Family Foundation. The foundation hosts informational speakers, parenting symposiums and small groups to foster strong families.

"They have hosted incredible speakers who have really enhanced our ability to parent," said Wendy, who is expecting the couple's third baby next month.

Braeswood resident and foundation president Marty Hayden said the mission of Houston Family Foundation is to provide tools and encouragement for parents with children ages birth to 18.

Rather than describing parenting as a harried roller coaster ride, the group optimistically embraces parenting as a great adventure.

Founded by a handful of fathers in 1997 and incorporated in 2000, the group has grown to a network of 300 families within its database. There are no membership fees or requirements, just the zeal to be good parents who raise children of good character.

The organization is Christ-centered, but has no denominational ties.

"The idea of fostering virtue in children has been around, but lost in time," founding member Hayden said.

Often parents get bogged down in the nonessentials, said the father of six.

"We hope to instill in parents who participate a renewed confidence and enthusiasm for their job as parents," he said. "When it's all said and done, your legacy is your kids, not your job."

Professionals constantly have to update their skills with seminars, training and an ongoing influx of information, said Vince, a salesman by profession.

Parents, he said, should have the same educational opportunities.

The goal of the foundation with members citywide is to have two symposiums a year and a picnic next spring to bring families together to network and share ideas.

Longer term goals are to form parent interest groups that address specific needs of stages of development: teens, preschoolers and infants. The group is also developing a "tool box" of parenting resources, including books, Web sites, magazines, videos and tapes.

Paul and Sherri Feehery are raising five children ages 13-25. Two of their sons are special needs children; one of those is autistic.

"The whole network of people in the group has helped us," Paul said. "Our children are doing well in life, and that is the most important thing."

Today the couple from northwest Houston tries to pass on helpful information to other member parents, trading phone numbers and giving advice about what works well for them.

Paul said guest authors and lecturers like Jim Stenson, who recently spoke to the group, help parents get back to basics with discussions on discipline and character development.

"You don't have to be scared to tell Johnny no," Paul said. By setting limits, parents are helping set foundations for life, he said.

Throughout the couple's six-year involvement with the group, they have met role models, parents such as now-deceased St. John's teacher Richard Johnson, another founding member of the organization.

Remembering an occasion when the Johnsons brought their family of eight to dinner, Paul recalls how Richard was so calm in correcting his children and how well they responded to their father.

"He didn't have to raise his voice with his children," Paul said. "He had himself under control, and his children."

Foundation president Hayden said while parents used to rely on an extended family for parenting support, that resource is no longer around because of the transient nature of the world today.

Instead, there is a whole new network of parenting coaches cropping up, professionals who charge by the hour for parenting advice.

"This is a symptom of what is going on out there," Hayden said.

The Houston Family Foundation is directed toward effective parenting through a realistic, application standpoint.

People need advice on what to do if their 2 year old writes all over the walls with markers. Although there is single correct technique for correcting a behavior, there are a variety of suggestions.

Maybe your 6-year-old is getting rejected by his Little League baseball teammates, Hayden said. There are a variety of suggestions like talking to the coach, observing the kid in the given environment and coaching the child with interpersonal skills. Or maybe it's a skills issue where the player needs to hit the batting cage, or take a lesson.

"We hope to build friendships so that people have a number to call," Hayden said.

The Houston Family Foundation relies on its Web site at houstonfamilyfoundation.org to announce upcoming events and recommended books.

...

FAMILY FOUNDATION

WHO: The Houston Family Foundation, a parenting network.

WHAT: The foundation hosts informational speakers, parenting symposiums and small groups to foster strong families.

DETAILS: houstonfamilyfoundation.org

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